Tag Archives: emotional baggage

Start Listening Deeply to Yourself, and Become Who You Truly Are!

Listen deeply and become who you truly are

Hand-drawn mandala, “Becoming Who You Are”

At 10:30 pm, you are about to go to bed, and yet, you are still thinking about what happened to you at work today.

Your boss criticized you for how you dealt with a problem.

You can think of millions of good reasons why you handled the situation in that way.

So, you are going over those reasons one by one in your head under the blanket.

Then, when you run out of the reasons, you start to going over the things that you should’ve explained to your boss.

You take a look at the clock.  It says 11:38 pm.  Sigh…  “I gotta sleep!”

The next moment, your head is already going over the thing that happened at work for the 13th times.


I found this Huffington Post article (Read the full post) written by Dr. Travis Bradberry about what complaining does to our brain through Dr. Joe Dispenza’s post on Facebook (Yes, I’m so into his study!  If you are interested, please visit his website: ).

According to this article, on average, we complain once every 5 minutes.  When I read that, I thought to myself, “Really?  I don’t complain that mu…., wait.  I DO complain that much!!”

When a car cuts me off, when my phone is slow, when the line at the cashier is long and slow, when it’s cold, when it’s raining…

The article also explains how complaining damages our health.

A repetitive feeling creates a pathway in our brain because our brain likes its efficiency.  As we use that pathway by having the similar feeling over and over, we reinforce that pathway.

That means complaining a lot reinforces the complaining pathway in our brain.

Complaining, or I should say, repetitive negative feelings make our fight/flight system in the brain more active.  Also, they make the hippocampus, which is mainly in charge of our long-term memory, contracted.  Basically, by complaining a lot, we make ourselves more exhausted and more prone to Alzheimer’s when we get old.

Listening Deeply to the Layers of Feelings

“At the center of your being
you have the answer;
you know who you are
and you know what you want.” – Lao Tsu

Having feelings is a natural thing.  We are here on Earth in our physical bodies to experience everything, so there is no problem to feel emotions.

When we start to attach to some of them, they become issues, and when we keep attaching to them, they become negative patterns and start to affect our lives in many ways.

Then, what can we do about it?

I recommend listening deeply into the layers of the feelings.  It takes some practice at the beginning, but it will get easier soon.

Here is how you do it.

  1. Take a few good deep breaths.  Breathing consciously helps our mind slow down and also helps us stay grounded and present.  We can create a change only when we are solidly grounded here and now, NOT by hanging onto the past or worrying about the future.
  2. Label the feeling what kind of emotion it is.  It helps us feel the feeling objectively.
  3. Ask yourself whether the emotion is familiar to you or not.  As the phrase ‘someone pushes my buttons’ describes, once we are an adult, our emotional patterns are pretty much set.  We all have some emotional buttons.  So, ask yourself whether you are experiencing the emotion because of one of those buttons.
  4. Ask yourself where (or from whom) and when you inherited that emotional patterns.  Usually, the patterns that we have were inherited from the people around us when we were kids.  Or, because of traumatic events, we created those patterns as our defense mechanisms.  Understanding how we end up having those patterns helps us let them go with more ease and grace.
  5. Feel that emotion out until something lighter and more loving feeling emanates.  This sounds like it’s going to take a long time, but no worries.  Once you can feel the emotion objectively without stories circling in your head, it takes only some moments – probably a couple of breaths.  You will notice the lighter and more loving feelings coming closer to you.  That is your compassion and love coming to the surface from the deeper layers within you.
  6. Send the compassion and love to the patterns and the people who gave them to you and let the patterns go.  Once you fill your heart with that loving feeling, just allow the Greater Source to take them away and recycle them for the highest good of all.
  7. Think of who you really want to be and visualize it as clearly as possible.  By visualizing who you truly are as clearly as possible, you are rewiring your brain.  So, try to imagine how you would behave, how you would interact with people, and how you would think when you become a new you without those emotional patterns.  This is the part of designing new you.
  8. Take some moments to allow the Greater Source to reprogram you.  The Greater Source, the Divine, the Universe, the Quantum Field…, whatever you call it, allow the divine essence to reprogram you.  This is the part I like the best.  To me, it feels that I am just floating in the vast space while all the downloads and reprogramming are happening on the subtlest level.  Sometimes, I get messages or guidance as well.
  9. Keep practicing it.  The more you practice, the more you reconnect to your true self and the Greater Power.  You will start noticing other patterns more easily, realigning them with your highest good, and living your life more fully.

“Do you have the patience to wait until your mud settles and the water is clear?” – Lao Tsu, Tao Te Ching


Listening is a great tool to know where you are right now.  If you hear yourself complaining in your head about what already happened, then you are living your past.

If you hear yourself being anxious about tomorrow, then you are living your future.

When you notice it, take a deep breath, bring yourself back to this moment, and start listening deeply into the layers of the feelings.

You already have all the answers and support you need within.  Listening deeply allows you to connect to them.

Dive into yourself, and start creating your heaven on Earth!

Over to you:-

Please share your insights and your experiences in the comment section!


Mandala Blow-Out Sale” is on until the end of February 2017.

Also, the registration for “6-Week Life Artisan Program” is open.


The new mandala, “Creating My Heaven on Earth,” in progress.

The flower of life

“The flower of life” has started to bloom!


My Precious Journey through Forgiveness

dream & journey

~ How Forgiveness Freed Me from My Emotional Baggage and Raised Me into Peace & Empowerment ~

Dreams that led me to Forgiveness

“Ugh, not again!”

I woke up frustrated and despaired in the middle of the night.  For several nights in a row in December 2015, I kept having frustrating and discouraging dreams.  The dreams always ended in a similar way: someone ended up being in my way and brought failures to me.

The dreams made me exhausted and sad.  Also, the dreams reminded me of the dream that I kept having over and over when I was little.

The dream that I had in my childhood always started in an everyday situation, me playing with my sister or talking to my mother.  However, the dream always ended up me standing at the top of the staircase in my house.  I started to go down, but somehow, I couldn’t control the speed as if the gravity was getting stronger, went down faster and faster, and fell.

Again, failures.

I now call the dream  a “Hell Realm.”  (If you are a big fan of Joss Whedon and watched the TV show “Angel,” you know what I’m talking about.:))  All these years, whenever I have those dreams, I wake up drained, frustrated and despaired.  It feels like the “Hell Realm” has been haunting me or connected its portal to me.

I wonder if anybody else has those repetitive hellish dreams, and I also wonder what people would do after they wake up.  Please share if you have great ways to deal with them in the comment section.

What I always do is to feel the frustration and sadness entirely while I visualize that the “Hell Realm,” an “entity,” or my own fear (I have no idea what it actually is, to tell you the truth….) goes back to the brightest light.  I keep sending my love and gratitude to that dark and heavy energy that the dream triggers until those emotions and energy get released.

So, I kept doing the visualization for a few days at the end of December 2015 and finally stopped having the dreams.  The first night that I was able to sleep soundly without any bad dreams, I felt so rested and happy in the following morning.  I thought to myself, “Finally, my love and gratitude worked!”

However, as you know, the Universe likes to give you tests right after you feel like you’ve learned something.  On December 29, 2015, it was one day after my first guest post was published.  I was so happy and excited all day and was busy replying to the comments I got.

At the end of the day, two people who were close to me contacted me with their bad news and asked me for help.  It was like living the hellish dream literally.  All of my excitement was gone.  The happiness of the day was ended.

Usually, I get involved and side tracked from my own path by supporting them, but this time, my gut told me not to.  That was the moment that I needed to stand up for myself, stay on my path, and prioritize myself at the top of my list.  So I followed my gut  I felt sorry for them, but I felt empowered at the same time.

Though it seemed that I cleared the test from the Universe, all these dreams and events around that time made me think deeper what was going on within me at the deeper level.  Obviously, my subconscious was trying to tell me something through those dreams.  I kept asking the Universe, “What is going on? What do I need to learn from this?”  While I was waiting for the answers to those questions to show up, I dug deeper into myself and worked with my stuffed emotions.

About a week later, on January 6, 2016, I woke up with very familiar frustration at the solar plexus.  The frustration was the sensation that I felt when I was going through my birth process.  (I used to dream about being stuck in the birth canal over and over when I was very young.  So I remember the sensation clearly.)

I was frustrated that I could not move.  I was angry at my mom, the doctor, and the world that I was in (= the birth canal).  So, on the night of January 6, I accepted the emotions, the people, and the world and forgave them.  Also, I forgave myself for not being able to relax in that situation.

Though it took a while, forgiveness finally happened.  Out of nowhere, LOVE started to emanate and filled with my body.  All the negative emotions melted in the love.  It was such a warm and relaxed sensation.

The next morning, some of my chronic pain in the body, especially the tightness at the solar plexus, was gone.  What an amazing experience that was!   I also realized that experiencing the true forgiveness was the answer to my questions from the Universe.

That made me decide to draw a mandala titled “Forgiveness.”

The journey with the mandala

I started this mandala journey with writing some letters.  The letters to all the people including myself, places, and the Universe that I needed to forgive.

Then, I meditated so I could be the facilitator for the energy of Forgiveness.

After the meditation, the number “9“, circles, triangles, and the color white came to me.  So I did a little bit of research on-line.  In numerology, 9 is the number for forgiveness.  For the shapes, there are some different explanations, but a triangle means the trinity: body, mind, and spirit, and a circle means wholeness or oneness.  The color white is a cleansing color.

Also, seven layers of lotus petals came to me.  With those designs and color, I started to draw the mandala in a sketchbook.  As the sketch was becoming clearer, I put the letters on top of it so the energy of the mandala could cleanse the heavier energy.

my letters on the mandala

My letters on the mandala

Usually, I draw a mandala in size 8.5“ x 8.5“ and can finish drawing one in 3 to 5 days.  However, since this one was far more special to me, I wanted to include as many details as possible.  So, I decided to go with the size 19.5“ x 19.5“.  It took me three weeks to finish it.

the work in progress

Work in progress. Letters are still on the mandala for cleansing.

After the biggest amounts of dots and the very sore right wrist, I completed the mandala.  Here it is!

Finished mandala, Forgiveness


On February 8, which was the new moon day and the Chinese New Year’s Day, I had a little forgiveness ritual with the mandala.

In the morning of that day, I created a beautiful altar on the dining table.  I put a beautiful purple fabric on the table, placed the mandala at the center with lots of rose petals around it, and my Quan Yin statue and some candles on the edge of the purple fabric.  The room was immediately filled with beautiful energy.

Then, I put my letters on top of the mandala.  My husband and my mother-in-law joined me with their letters.  In the early evening, we lighted the candles, said little prayers, and we went outside and burned those letters.  As the smoke went up in the sky, I visualized all the heavy energy of the negative emotions go back to God’s center.

The ritual was simple and easy, but it definitely gave me a tangible feeling of cleansing.

Forgiveness mandala surrounded with pink rose petals, candles and Quan Yin statue

The altar for Forgiveness ritual

My realizations along with the mandala journey

Before I went through all the recent processes, whenever I worked with forgiveness, I used to force myself to forgive someone or something.  It was coming from my head, not from my heart.

What I realized first, through this process, was that forgiveness is acceptance with love and compassion.  It is not giving up, losing, or bending my way.  It is the total acceptance of who we are and where we are.  I knew that in my head all these years, but feeling it so tangibly was a totally different experience.

The second thing that I found during the process was an ultimate question which I came across in an article about Ramana Maharshi, who was an Indian sage.  The question is “Who am I?”

Since I read the article, every time some negative feelings or thoughts pops in me, I asked that question to myself.  “Who am I?  Am I this feeling or thought?  Or am I the vehicle of the divinity?”  That conversation with myself instantly brought me back to my authenticity and made it so easy for me to forgive and let go.

Lastly, when something uncomfortable happens between someone else and myself, it is the excellent opportunity to communicate my true feelings and solutions to the other person.  To be able to do that, I need to be grounded fully without being nice to the person only on the surface, being victimizing myself or stuffing the emotions within.

When my negative feelings get triggered, it is hard to communicate my true feelings calmly, but with forgiveness, the full acceptance of who and where we are, it is possible.  I need to practice a lot more, of course, but just the thought that it is possible is very empowering for me.

Also, it is a big responsibility as well, because it is totally up to me whether I stay attached to the negative emotions or become and stay free from them and rise above.

It is your turn to feel the freedom!

If you have familiar negative emotional patterns, chronic pain in your bodies caused by some accidents, surgeries or birth processes, or repetitive patterns in communications, relationships, etc., I highly recommend you to take some time to work on your forgiveness.

By freeing your attachments to the old emotions, you will gain deeper understanding and compassion in everyone and everything and empowerment for yourself.

Over to you-:

Please share your insights and experiences about forgiveness in the comment section.  Thank you in advance!