At 10:30 pm, you are about to go to bed, and yet, you are still thinking about what happened to you at work today.
Your boss criticized you for how you dealt with a problem.
You can think of millions of good reasons why you handled the situation in that way.
So, you are going over those reasons one by one in your head under the blanket.
Then, when you run out of the reasons, you start to going over the things that you should’ve explained to your boss.
You take a look at the clock. It says 11:38 pm. Sigh… “I gotta sleep!”
The next moment, your head is already going over the thing that happened at work for the 13th times.
I found this Huffington Post article (Read the full post) written by Dr. Travis Bradberry about what complaining does to our brain through Dr. Joe Dispenza’s post on Facebook (Yes, I’m so into his study! If you are interested, please visit his website: ).
According to this article, on average, we complain once every 5 minutes. When I read that, I thought to myself, “Really? I don’t complain that mu…., wait. I DO complain that much!!”
When a car cuts me off, when my phone is slow, when the line at the cashier is long and slow, when it’s cold, when it’s raining…
The article also explains how complaining damages our health.
A repetitive feeling creates a pathway in our brain because our brain likes its efficiency. As we use that pathway by having the similar feeling over and over, we reinforce that pathway.
That means complaining a lot reinforces the complaining pathway in our brain.
Complaining, or I should say, repetitive negative feelings make our fight/flight system in the brain more active. Also, they make the hippocampus, which is mainly in charge of our long-term memory, contracted. Basically, by complaining a lot, we make ourselves more exhausted and more prone to Alzheimer’s when we get old.
Listening Deeply to the Layers of Feelings
“At the center of your being
you have the answer;
you know who you are
and you know what you want.” – Lao Tsu
Having feelings is a natural thing. We are here on Earth in our physical bodies to experience everything, so there is no problem to feel emotions.
When we start to attach to some of them, they become issues, and when we keep attaching to them, they become negative patterns and start to affect our lives in many ways.
Then, what can we do about it?
I recommend listening deeply into the layers of the feelings. It takes some practice at the beginning, but it will get easier soon.
Here is how you do it.
- Take a few good deep breaths. Breathing consciously helps our mind slow down and also helps us stay grounded and present. We can create a change only when we are solidly grounded here and now, NOT by hanging onto the past or worrying about the future.
- Label the feeling what kind of emotion it is. It helps us feel the feeling objectively.
- Ask yourself whether the emotion is familiar to you or not. As the phrase ‘someone pushes my buttons’ describes, once we are an adult, our emotional patterns are pretty much set. We all have some emotional buttons. So, ask yourself whether you are experiencing the emotion because of one of those buttons.
- Ask yourself where (or from whom) and when you inherited that emotional patterns. Usually, the patterns that we have were inherited from the people around us when we were kids. Or, because of traumatic events, we created those patterns as our defense mechanisms. Understanding how we end up having those patterns helps us let them go with more ease and grace.
- Feel that emotion out until something lighter and more loving feeling emanates. This sounds like it’s going to take a long time, but no worries. Once you can feel the emotion objectively without stories circling in your head, it takes only some moments – probably a couple of breaths. You will notice the lighter and more loving feelings coming closer to you. That is your compassion and love coming to the surface from the deeper layers within you.
- Send the compassion and love to the patterns and the people who gave them to you and let the patterns go. Once you fill your heart with that loving feeling, just allow the Greater Source to take them away and recycle them for the highest good of all.
- Think of who you really want to be and visualize it as clearly as possible. By visualizing who you truly are as clearly as possible, you are rewiring your brain. So, try to imagine how you would behave, how you would interact with people, and how you would think when you become a new you without those emotional patterns. This is the part of designing new you.
- Take some moments to allow the Greater Source to reprogram you. The Greater Source, the Divine, the Universe, the Quantum Field…, whatever you call it, allow the divine essence to reprogram you. This is the part I like the best. To me, it feels that I am just floating in the vast space while all the downloads and reprogramming are happening on the subtlest level. Sometimes, I get messages or guidance as well.
- Keep practicing it. The more you practice, the more you reconnect to your true self and the Greater Power. You will start noticing other patterns more easily, realigning them with your highest good, and living your life more fully.
“Do you have the patience to wait until your mud settles and the water is clear?” – Lao Tsu, Tao Te Ching
Listening is a great tool to know where you are right now. If you hear yourself complaining in your head about what already happened, then you are living your past.
If you hear yourself being anxious about tomorrow, then you are living your future.
When you notice it, take a deep breath, bring yourself back to this moment, and start listening deeply into the layers of the feelings.
You already have all the answers and support you need within. Listening deeply allows you to connect to them.
Dive into yourself, and start creating your heaven on Earth!
Over to you:-
Please share your insights and your experiences in the comment section!
“Mandala Blow-Out Sale” is on until the end of February 2017.
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The new mandala, “Creating My Heaven on Earth,” in progress.