Tag Archives: self love

Do You Know How to Receive Love?

my hand-drawn mandala, "Oneness" Realizing Oneness helps you receive love more easily.

One of my mandalas, “Oneness”

Has anyone ever told you that you don’t receive love?  Or, since someone DID tell you that you are not receiving love, you have been struggling to figure out how to receive it?

I was told that I wasn’t receiving love years ago.  Since then, I tried to receive it on every occasion.  When someone gives me a hug, when someone thanks me, or gives me a compliment…  I tried to “receive” it without dismissing them by saying like “Oh, thank YOU!” or “Oh, it’s nothing.”

I also tried to open up my left/feminine side so I could receive more and get nurtured more.

Did they work?  No.  They made me more nervous about receiving love.  However, it was a great opportunity to find out why I am not good at receiving.

The Reasons Why I’m NOT Good at Receiving Love

My birth experience

During my birth, I got stuck in the birth canal.  I still remember the dream about my birth that I used to have repeatedly until I was 3 or 4 years old.

The dream always started with me in a fetus position in an amazingly comfortable space.  As I started to crawl forward, the comfortable space got narrower.  At one point, I couldn’t move either forward or backward and got stuck completely.  That felt so frustrating that I wanted to scream, but I always woke up at that moment.

The actual birth went like this.  I was a little bigger baby than average.  I got stuck in the birth canal for a little while, so the doctor used anesthesia.  Then, I was born with jaundice.  I’m assuming all the frustration I felt went into the gallbladder and the liver which resulted as jaundice.

Because of jaundice, I got separated from my mother immediately and put in an incubator.  I didn’t get to have a proper bonding with my mother.

On top of that, when my mother was ready to go home, I got a cold and had to stay at the hospital by myself a little longer.

Basically, I missed the important opportunity to learn how to receive love right from the get-go of my life.

Patterns in my family

My family wasn’t a happy, ideal one.  My father was a very strict person, especially on my elder sister.  Whenever my sister created a problem, my father tried to discipline her by hitting her with a rolled-up newspaper, making her stand outside for an hour, putting her in a closet, and so on.

At that time in Japan, those things were believed as a part of discipline.  However, in my family, they happened so often that  I got scared whenever I saw or heard my sister get scolded by my father.  That fear ingrained into my subconscious level so strongly that I became vigilant in any changes of people’s mood.

That led me to become a good kid to make everything go smoothly and peacefully by doing the right things.  I was quiet whenever I needed to be quiet.  I never had any tantrums.  Basically, I tried to give love to everyone around me without receiving any from anyone around me.  I was always good and fine.

All the adults around me believed I was good and fine.  Even I started to believe it even though it started as my defense mechanism.

More incidents that enforced the pattern

When I was 5 years old, my mother died of a breast cancer.  Even though I didn’t understand what death meant, I’m sure that it shut down almost completely whatever the ability to receive LOVE I had.

One year later, my first step mother left us all of a sudden.  There was no explanation what was going on between her and my father and why she decided to leave us.

It is said that your character and patterns in your life are set during the first 6 to 7 years of your life.

By the time I became 7 years old, all of my ability to receive love was berried in a deep and dark place within me.  I became not only good and fine but tough and different from other kids.

The ultimate experience of true love

As you can imagine, my adolescence was full of emotional roller coasters which were buried deep within me.  I kept the “good and fine” appearance.

When I turned to 18, I met a spiritual teacher, Master Dolores Hand.  She was such a powerful, amazing teacher.  She taught us from the simplest thing like how to keep our space clean so we can keep good energy in our living space to the amazing cosmic myths.  Her love was so powerful that I always felt completely safe when I was around her.  That was such a huge joy and relief, because I had never felt safe in my own space, my own body, and in this world till then.

I also felt that there was nothing I couldn’t do because her faith in us was beyond my imagination.  She had a 5-day retreat at Mt. Shasta every summer.  I got to join the last three of them, and at the end of every retreat, I felt so ready and confident that I could tackle any issues in my life.  I was so looking forward to going back to my life.

Mt. Shasta

Mt. Shasta

She passed away 20 years ago, but she is still with us and holding us in her tremendously huge love.  I am so grateful that I could have time to be with her and experience her love and faith.

Then, the real spiritual practice had begun…

Master Dolores said that her teaching was done and we all graduated at the end of the last retreat.  Since then, we were on our own.

She gave us all of the teachings she could give us.  So, it was time for us to practice one by one until we actually got it.  Every little thing in my life gave me a reminder of what she taught us.  As I was walking down on my path, my spiritual zigsaw puzzle had started to give me a bigger picture piece by piece.  It was like I was expanding my soul map.

I started to see my true self and false self more clearly.  I released lots of old emotions.  I went through countless forgiveness.  I had many epiphanies as well.  And yet, I was still bad at receiving love.  Until one day, that Aha! moment happened to me.

What Aha! moment showed me…

It was a normal weekday.  I was working.  All of a sudden, a thought came to me, and I realized that I was doing it completely wrong.  All I needed to do was to relax completely.  Then, I would be able to reconnect to the Oneness and become love itself.  It wasn’t about receiving or giving.  It wasn’t about opening up my chakras or feminine side.  It was about relaxing myself completely and remember where I was originated from.

The love holds us, connects us, and exist within and around us.  We are love, and we are one.

From that point of view, forgiveness happens naturally like breathing, you can get unstuck from the old patterns and start creating your heaven on Earth.

That moment of clarity was amazingly powerful, but as you probably know, that kind of moment never lasts until you actually get it down.  So, I’m still on an emotional roller coaster from time to time.  However, now I know what to do.   So, practice, practice, and practice…  A spiritual path never ends, right?

my hand-drawn mandala, "Creating My Heaven on Earth"

“Creating My Heaven on Earth” ~When you start to receiving love, you get to create Your Heaven on Earth more easily.~

Your turn:-

Thank you so much for reading this far.  I hope you enjoyed the post.  Now, it’s your turn.  Please share your experiences about receiving love, or what you thought about this post in the comment section.  And, don’t forget to share this post with your friends and subscribe.



Love Yourself Deeply, and Start Creating Your Heaven on Earth!

Loving Truly

Start Loving Yourself Truly!

Do You Love Yourself?

Do you ever wonder whether you love yourself deeply and truly?

Do you love every bit of yourself?

Are there any parts of yourself that you hate?

Have you ever wondered whether you could love even those parts that you hate?

What do you love about yourself?

What do you hate about yourself?

Last year, I did a lot of inner work.  I worked on every aspect of my life that I could think of: money, relationships, forgiveness, my self-identity, and so on through listening to my heart as deeply as I could.

I had some good results from all those inner work, but at the same time,   I was punishing myself every time I found a negative pattern in myself.  Also, I was looking at myself as a damaged goods.  We probably can call it a trap of the spiritual work.

I didn’t notice what I was actually doing at the beginning, but as I was feeling exhausted and even a little depressed, I started to realize how important it is to love myself fully and truly.  Then, those questions above started to pop up in my head one by one.

The Right Information at the Right Time

These are the feelings and symptoms that I was experiencing about a month ago:

a heaviness in my head

a tightness in and around my heart

a chronic pain in the shoulders, upper back, and neck

a funky digestive system

an exhaustion

no motivation to start new creative things, and more…

I really wanted to know why I was feeling that way.  So, I asked the Universe for a help and started to research.

Then, I found a bunch of videos on YouTube by a research scientist, Dr. Joe Dispenza.  Boy, the Universe DOES know a perfect timing!  In those videos, Dr. Joe Dispenza explains how our emotions and mind affect our body, environment, and life from a scientific standpoint (if you are interested, watch this video).

Basically, what he says is that our emotional and thought patterns create neural pathways in our brain.  By thinking the same thoughts and same emotions, we strengthen those pathways.

For example, you tend to think, “I can’t afford it right now” everytime you find something you want to purchase.  Then, your brain creates the neural pathway.  Then, the brain keeps sending the same signal to the body and strengthen the pattern.  And then, your heart starts to sending the signal through its electromagnetic field to the Universe, and you become more and more prone not to be able to buy what you want.

Plus, while that’s happening, your fight/flight system becomes more active, because those negative thoughts and emotions are not loving for you.  So, you start to feel tired, unhappy, and depressed.

Bouncing Back

After I watched most of his videos and started to understand what was going on to myself biologically, I began to get my answers to those questions above.

Also, I started doing his meditations (this is the one I’ve been using), I was able to feel my body being reprogrammed on the genetic level.  All those exhaustions and depression were gone.

Also, I get a message from my true self every time I meditate and start loving one more part of myself such as:

“I belong here on Earth.”

“I love my life.”

“Stop reacting. Start creating.”

Not only that, I get clear images of what has been going on and how I can change them as if I’m downloading a new blueprint to start a new life as new ME.

It’s Time to Build My New Life!

Now that I understand how our mind creates our reality, I feel so hopeful.  I know there will be a long way ahead, but just by thinking that the more I become gentle on myself and love myself, the more easily I can create my heart desiring life, I feel very grateful to be existing right here right now as me.

The hopefulness helped me start drawing a new mandala, “Creating My Heaven on Earth”

a pencil mandala drawing

Time to color!

I will probably have more realizations through drawing this mandala and through the process of creating the new life I want.  I will write about them as they come.  So, stay tuned!

Over to you:-

I would love to hear your experiences about loving yourselves.  Please feel free to share your stories in the comment section!


Registration for “6-Week Life Artisan Program” is open.  If you want to start living your life fully, this program can help you release your old patterns and create your new life more aligned to your heart desire.  For more details, please CLICK HERE.


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